Schwanning in Praha

It's amazing how a slight change in travel companions, and the right kind of hostel can totally shift your experience in a city. So while Natalie and I embraced our inner octogenarians in Berlin, our new travel buddy, Laura, made sure we took full advantage of Prague's nightlife. Obviously, we made sure to drink in the beauty of this unique little city during the day, but most of our nights were rarely spent sleeping.

It is perhaps because of this constant rallying and perpetual sleep deprivation that the country of Schwanland was born. This wonderfully fictional nation boasts of citizens who speak in a Russian/Czech/German/American-hybrid accent, and their main export is 'schwanning.' What's schwanning, you ask? Why, it's the act of lifting one leg in the air in your best Schwan* Lake impression. 

*It should be noted that all w's are pronounced in the German fashion, i.e. like a v.

Sights

Prague Castle - the only impressive aspect of this barren building is the view. Somebody also should have told Disney that they needn't have built a set for The Princess Diaries as the entire area around the castle is Genovia. 

Cathedral - fortunately, this part of the attraction is actually worth seeing. It is a stunning church with really striking stained glass windows. They're far more intricate as they are made up of much smaller fragments of glass than usual, and I've admittedly always been easily impressed by pretty colors. This is probably one of the few churches kept in pristine condition that's not also still in use. Which ultimately means you can feel a lot less sacrilegious snapping a quick selfie on your way out. 

Basilica - with perhaps the exception of St Peter's and the Duomo in Florence, a basilica really shouldn't be more impressive than a castle. And yet, this one was. Really need to step up your game Prague Castle...just saying.

John Lennon Peace Wall - initially a form of protest against Communism through its exaltation of Lennon instead of Lenin, this graffitied wall is now a place for heavy-set Texan tourists to write "Eurotrip 2014" and for heavily make-uped girls to sport peace signs and duck lips in front of. But underneath such "politically biting" inscriptions like ISU Volleyball and Paj in Prague, are actually some truly meaningful messages. Though to be fair, what's freedom of expression without a little mindless blather?

Astronomical Clock - since the guy who built this was blinded after its completion in order to prevent him from creating another one that is even better (true story), it seemed worthwhile to check out. Every hour there's a little Small World-esque display of medieval animatronics that hordes of people stand around to gape at. Thus making it prime real estate for pickpockets, even if they aren't Oliver incarnates with preternaturally nimble fingers.

Old Town Square - really helps to drive home the whole ''Prague is one of the most beautiful cities, eve'' thing. Kind of crazy to think that if it weren't for the little nuisance of two world wars, most of Europe would look just like this. 

Monastery - the view and the brewery next door are the real reasons to make the climb up here, but at least it's a pretty building. Pro tip: if you try to get a picture in the doorway of the pay-to-see area of the building, the security guard will not be amused and will radio for security. 

Grand Orient Cafe - though located in Old Town, it's surprisingly not teeming with tourists. It's an adorable art deco cafe that makes you feel like you're in the 1930s - minus the whole bummer of a crippling widespread economic depression.

Food

Pilsner Beer - they're known for the stuff, so naturally I felt I had to choke some down in order to get the 'true' Praha experience. If I never have another beer again, it'll be too soon. Though for actual beer connoisseurs I think it's a pretty solid option.

Goulash - a woman who worked at my hostel cooked this up for us and it was absolutely delicious. Unlike the British, Czechs are apparently aware that soups can, in fact, be flavorful. 

Monks' Special Beer - this place has kind of become a tourist trap, but the beer is still worth trying. It's supposedly some special recipe that the resident monks figured out ages ago, and they've been brewing it ever since. 

Trdelnik - this Czech treat is a bakery item masquerading as a large churro that you could wear as a bracelet if so inclined. However, instead of being fried they're baked. And maybe I'm just biased after spending most of my life in Southern California, but if you're going to bother concocting a sugary item such as this, you might as well go all the way and fry the stupid thing. Probably being too harsh, but I give this edible bangle two out of four stars.

Absinthe - contrary to popular belief, the modern day iteration of this drink is devoid of any hallucinogenic properties. While in the short term this might be seen as an all around bummer, the good news is that I didn't pull a Van Gogh and decide life would be better sans one ear. For those curious, absinthe is kind of like the shot of mouthwash it resembles - bright green, burns when swallowed, and efficient at getting the job done.  

Hot Apple Cider - not necessarily a staple of Czech cuisine, but I quite enjoyed the version I had whilst waiting for the rain to stop. (Pro tip: if you're in the mood for judgmental/incredulous stares from random strangers I highly suggest forgoing jackets/pants when exploring Prague in the rain) It was a cute little place on the way to the castle where they actually filmed Amadeus - or so their menu claims. The drink itself included a tasty dried apple ring (the thing that looks like a bloated cheerio floating in the cup).

Czech Cake - no clue what the local name for this is. All I do know is that this cousin of the donut is delightful and I want another. 

Since this will be the last of my adventures on the European continent for a little while, it seems appropriate to mention the conclusion of the my travels. Not sure if this is more the fault of the Praha airport or the forever classy Ryanair, but my departure from the Czech Republic was especially eventful. After being forced to wait at the gate until about 10 minutes before scheduled departure, myself and my fellow passengers were boarded onto buses that were going to shuttle us to our plane. I was initially under the impression that this was due to a confusion in gates and that we were supposed to board from another location. Turns out, this was only partly the case. My flight back to London was apparently too good for an actual boarding gate, and was instead parked in the middle of the tarmac. You stay janky, Prague Airport. 

Note: it would take about 10 min to walk to the nearest gate from here 

Since my travels weren't ending on a good enough note, my entrance back into the UK was much more difficult than usual. For some reason, the immigration officer decided that my student visa letter was suspect and did not want to let me back into the country. Still not sure if he finally realized I'm legally allowed to be here, or if he just decided a middle class American student should be a nice boost to the economy in the remaining two weeks she's here. Whatever the reason, I'm glad it was all sorted and that I could actually enjoy my final days in this lovely country. For those interested, I have included a dramatization of the immigration officer in question.